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by None of these articles were stolen from The Onion
The World Freedom Federation PsyOp Department presents...
The World Freedom Federation News: February Edition
The World Freedom Federation stands for Freedom!
Dinsmark, Belka—On Jan 08, 2015; an ambassador from Fark gave the WFF an offer: Stop tech deals with DT or pay dearly. The World Freedom Federation does not respond kindly to threats of hostility, especially during a time of growth and a state of non-hostility with all of planet Bob. After kindly asking Fark to reconsider this threat, and negotiate in a different way, on 1/19/2015 at 2:42:54 PM, Fark attacked the WFF without a DoW. This attack had awakened the WFF to approach the world with this critical situation. The following is a transcript from the speech made by the Skymarshal.
"There are many signs of a weakening empire. They usually involve at some point near the end, an undeclared attack on a small state. Remember when the Soviets invaded Afghanistan? Remember when Britain attacked the Falklands? Remember when FARKISTAN attacked the World Freedom Federation? Oh yeah, that last one is pretty recent... They thought they could bully us and tell us who we can or can't do tech deals with. We were willing to talk this out, but they decided to suddenly attack without a proper DoW. In the World Freedom Federation, we strive to always handle business in a noble fashion and expects just the same. We recognize your attack as a hostile action against the World, Freedom and Federations alike. We defend not just our right to tech deal, but everyone's right to tech deal."
The Skymarshal gives his speech on defending the rights of economic prosperity and trade
Belkan Resident Has No Filter
Johnny Rico has no friends
Dinsmark, Belka—In a span of two minutes Monday, 33-year-old Dinsmark resident Johnny Rico managed to criticize hazelnut coffee, Volvos, and the flag of Farkistan.
--The 120-second rant took place at the Grunder Coffee House in the presence of longtime friend Meredith Caranza, 31.
"Hazelnut?" said Rico as he browsed the establishment's menu. "That's coffee for people that don't like coffee but want to pretend they do. It's like drinking a candy bar. Why not just drink a glass of Nestlé Quik instead?"
"I remember thinking 'Uh-oh,'" Caranza said. "We hadn't even placed our order yet, and he was already on a roll."
Rico's criticism of hazelnut coffee continued for another 35 seconds, at which point he mysteriously transitioned to the subject of Volvos. Seconds after his Volvo diatribe died down, Rico spotted a store patron with a Farkistan flag on his backpack. He quickly shifted gears to the iron-on patch.
"Of all the worlds flags, that has to be the stupidest one," Rico said. "It's just this purple background with, like, this bright-red Heineken or communist star in the middle. I suppose those could be grape leaves?"
Added Rico: "I don't like most anyone's flag anyways, but that one really takes the pie"
Rico has a long history of adopting seemingly arbitrary stances on a wide variety of subjects. In the past, he has taken aim at such diverse targets as NpO And The Pirates creator Milton Caniff, box springs, the F-35, tip jars, OWF comics, and carbonated water.
Prior to Monday, however, Rico had never railed against three subjects in so condensed a period of time.
"I've seen him spend 15 minutes talking about how generals being added to CN is stupid," Caranza said. "He takes major issue with things most people don't care about enough to think about, much less form an opinion on. But even by his standards, the hazelnut-Volvo-Farkistan-flag thing was pretty remarkable."
Despite Rico's penchant for hyper-criticism, his friends still enjoy his company much of the time.
Man With Serious Mental Illness Committed To City Bus
Maximus Vicarious undergoing therapy
WFF Intl. News Wire—Citing a range of severe symptoms including hallucinations, disorientation, and disorganized speech, the Federal Department of Mental Health said Wednesday that local man Maximus Vicarious will be involuntarily committed to the 125 Clinton/Sand Island city bus until further notice. “For his own safety, Mr. Vicarious will be restricted to the Central Avenue-bound line until such time as he is found competent,” said federal health official Tamika Wright, adding that the mentally ill 58-year-old will be allowed to bring up to 18 bags and parcels with him but will not be permitted to leave the commuter vehicle. “Committing someone to a bus is always a last resort—Mr. Zellicoff would not be spending an indefinite period of time confined to side-by-side plastic seats were his psychological disorders not incredibly serious.” Wright went on to say she hoped Vicarious would eventually be well enough to leave the bus for short periods and occasionally spend some time on the computer.
WFF Plays With Its New Toys
A recent ad campaign to bolster support for the war
WFF Intl. News Wire—During the recent WFF-Fark incursion in the Doom War, the WFF was able to employ some newly learned tactics in defensive nuclear combat. This, in addition to firing up all our mothballed combat vehicles and fighter jets ultimately led to a decent amount of damage against the invaders. On February 2nd, 2015; the guns fell silent and the fallout rains came to an end. Peace had been declared and the WFF was still standing, stronger in NS than it was before the attacks. The damage was heavy, but so is our resolve. o/ WFF
The World Freedom Federation PsyOp Department presents...
The World Freedom Federation News: February Edition
The World Freedom Federation stands for Freedom!
Dinsmark, Belka—On Jan 08, 2015; an ambassador from Fark gave the WFF an offer: Stop tech deals with DT or pay dearly. The World Freedom Federation does not respond kindly to threats of hostility, especially during a time of growth and a state of non-hostility with all of planet Bob. After kindly asking Fark to reconsider this threat, and negotiate in a different way, on 1/19/2015 at 2:42:54 PM, Fark attacked the WFF without a DoW. This attack had awakened the WFF to approach the world with this critical situation. The following is a transcript from the speech made by the Skymarshal.
"There are many signs of a weakening empire. They usually involve at some point near the end, an undeclared attack on a small state. Remember when the Soviets invaded Afghanistan? Remember when Britain attacked the Falklands? Remember when FARKISTAN attacked the World Freedom Federation? Oh yeah, that last one is pretty recent... They thought they could bully us and tell us who we can or can't do tech deals with. We were willing to talk this out, but they decided to suddenly attack without a proper DoW. In the World Freedom Federation, we strive to always handle business in a noble fashion and expects just the same. We recognize your attack as a hostile action against the World, Freedom and Federations alike. We defend not just our right to tech deal, but everyone's right to tech deal."
The Skymarshal gives his speech on defending the rights of economic prosperity and trade
Belkan Resident Has No Filter
Johnny Rico has no friends
Dinsmark, Belka—In a span of two minutes Monday, 33-year-old Dinsmark resident Johnny Rico managed to criticize hazelnut coffee, Volvos, and the flag of Farkistan.
--The 120-second rant took place at the Grunder Coffee House in the presence of longtime friend Meredith Caranza, 31.
"Hazelnut?" said Rico as he browsed the establishment's menu. "That's coffee for people that don't like coffee but want to pretend they do. It's like drinking a candy bar. Why not just drink a glass of Nestlé Quik instead?"
"I remember thinking 'Uh-oh,'" Caranza said. "We hadn't even placed our order yet, and he was already on a roll."
Rico's criticism of hazelnut coffee continued for another 35 seconds, at which point he mysteriously transitioned to the subject of Volvos. Seconds after his Volvo diatribe died down, Rico spotted a store patron with a Farkistan flag on his backpack. He quickly shifted gears to the iron-on patch.
"Of all the worlds flags, that has to be the stupidest one," Rico said. "It's just this purple background with, like, this bright-red Heineken or communist star in the middle. I suppose those could be grape leaves?"
Added Rico: "I don't like most anyone's flag anyways, but that one really takes the pie"
Rico has a long history of adopting seemingly arbitrary stances on a wide variety of subjects. In the past, he has taken aim at such diverse targets as NpO And The Pirates creator Milton Caniff, box springs, the F-35, tip jars, OWF comics, and carbonated water.
Prior to Monday, however, Rico had never railed against three subjects in so condensed a period of time.
"I've seen him spend 15 minutes talking about how generals being added to CN is stupid," Caranza said. "He takes major issue with things most people don't care about enough to think about, much less form an opinion on. But even by his standards, the hazelnut-Volvo-Farkistan-flag thing was pretty remarkable."
Despite Rico's penchant for hyper-criticism, his friends still enjoy his company much of the time.
Man With Serious Mental Illness Committed To City Bus
Maximus Vicarious undergoing therapy
WFF Intl. News Wire—Citing a range of severe symptoms including hallucinations, disorientation, and disorganized speech, the Federal Department of Mental Health said Wednesday that local man Maximus Vicarious will be involuntarily committed to the 125 Clinton/Sand Island city bus until further notice. “For his own safety, Mr. Vicarious will be restricted to the Central Avenue-bound line until such time as he is found competent,” said federal health official Tamika Wright, adding that the mentally ill 58-year-old will be allowed to bring up to 18 bags and parcels with him but will not be permitted to leave the commuter vehicle. “Committing someone to a bus is always a last resort—Mr. Zellicoff would not be spending an indefinite period of time confined to side-by-side plastic seats were his psychological disorders not incredibly serious.” Wright went on to say she hoped Vicarious would eventually be well enough to leave the bus for short periods and occasionally spend some time on the computer.
WFF Plays With Its New Toys
A recent ad campaign to bolster support for the war
WFF Intl. News Wire—During the recent WFF-Fark incursion in the Doom War, the WFF was able to employ some newly learned tactics in defensive nuclear combat. This, in addition to firing up all our mothballed combat vehicles and fighter jets ultimately led to a decent amount of damage against the invaders. On February 2nd, 2015; the guns fell silent and the fallout rains came to an end. Peace had been declared and the WFF was still standing, stronger in NS than it was before the attacks. The damage was heavy, but so is our resolve. o/ WFF
